This time of year, when everyone is joyous and excited for the holidays, is difficult for me. I have been single for over 14 years. Well, technically that’s not true, but the few flings in that time were fleeting and ultimately inconsequential. I am perpetually separated from family. They all live in Texas, which is a “Do Not Travel” state for people like me. If you missed that, you can see the latest risk map here.
I have had a head cold for over a week now. It gets better for a day or two, then it comes roaring back. I haven’t slept well, because I can’t breathe through my nose. Mouth breathing results in me waking with a desert in my mouth in the middle of the night. And this happens around this season every year. Yes, I know I’m whining.
Yesterday, I had my now regular echocardiogram. I got the results electronically last evening. For the second time, the phrase “bicuspid aortic valve” put in an appearance. Last time, it was “possible.” This time it’s “probable.” Since that’s a congenital heart defect, and is inheritable, I spent some time yesterday notifying my daughter and younger sister they should probably be checked for it. My sister and I only share one parent, so depending on where I got it, she might be in the clear. My daughter and grandchildren, though, need to be on the lookout.
My ascending aorta is also enlarged. This isn’t news. It’s the reason I have regular echocardiograms in the first place. The intent is to monitor that enlargement and know before it gets dangerous. That way it can be addressed surgically if needed. I still am not at the standard threshold for surgical intervention, but it has increased since the last time it was measured.
I’ve mentioned before that I am getting really tired of having new health challenges every time I turn around. Still, knowing is better. At least I am finding these things out before they become emergencies. Maybe my experience can help when or if my sister and daughter have similar things crop up.
I ended up chatting with my sister quite a bit more than usual. She’s a very busy RN, and our schedules don’t mesh very well. It was good to catch up with her, even if the reason wasn’t the best possible. She has her own health issues, but as a nurse, she’s knowledgeable and competent in that arena.
I started out intending to discuss why my experience of the “Season of Joy” is so very different from the one that society pushes on us all. I got sidetracked a bit. So in closing, let me just bring it back around to that a bit. I’m lonely, and the pressure to spend this time with family and loved ones is so great. But the journey continues.
I like suze hartline’s attitude about what people think about how other people observe holidays. π But loneliness is no joke when it doesn’t pass. I hope if it gets too bad, you will reach out online if you need to. Our holidays are going to be peaceful and quiet here at the Redford manse.
LikeLiked by 1 person