My Father Has Passed

My father died on the 3rd of January, 2021. Before you offer me condolences, know that he and I had not spoken for over twelve years. He chose to exclude me from his life, for reasons that I can only guess at. I had been holding out hope for a reconciliation. That time has now passed. I’ve written before about some of the reasons I didn’t pursue reconnecting before. I won’t rehash that now. I learned of his passing from my cousin, his niece. She’s one of the few members of my blood family who still keep in touch with me.

I had the opportunity to read his obituary a couple of days later. His then current wife chose to reference me in that obituary with my dead name, and to refer to me as his son. I was deeply hurt by that, but honestly, not surprised. They had never acknowledged my transition in life. So that they didn’t acknowledge it in the obituary came as no surprise. It did hurt me though.

There was a graveside service, according to the obituary. I didn’t attend. I’m sure I wouldn’t have been welcome. After all, no one even told me when that service was scheduled. I wouldn’t have been able to attend, for a number of reasons. They gave me a very good reason, though, to not feel guilty about not attending.

Tags: grief