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My friend depression

21 Feb

My friend depression is making another visit. Since we all know how well I do on antidepressants, I’m taking a different approach this time. I have decided to try St. John’s Wort.

St John’s wort is widely known as an herbal treatment for depression. In some countries, such as Germany, it is commonly prescribed for mild depression, especially in children and adolescents.

And since I react to pharmaceutical anti-depressants pretty much the same way as children and adolescents (I become suicidal, remember?), I am trying St. John’s because it doesn’t seem to have that side-effect. I just started at last night’s dinner, so I am only two doses in. I’m going to try to start actually updating here again, so look for progress reports hopefully at least weekly.

Why am I depressed again? Well, it’s primarily, I think, due to my recent breakup. She decided to end our relationship after nine months. I won’t go into details as to the whys and wherefores of that. But I think most of you have probably had similar experiences, and may even have had some depression for a time afterwards.

So wish me luck, and better mental health. I’ll take all the good energy I can get.

Quick update

16 Dec

Fibromyalgia is still flaring, but the warmer weather seems to have helped. I don’t do well with cold. That’s one of the main reasons I avoided moving to where Barbara would have preferred to live.

Finances are still tight, but I am holding my own. I’m still working my way through bulk foods bought when K and T were still here. Frozen, canned, dried. Might as well use it while I can.

I’m crying less, and when I do, I can name the specific trigger for the tears. So I guess that’s progress. My therapist has made some recommendations on where I should focus my energy that, while I see the purpose, I am not entirely comfortable with. Still thinking that over.

I did the homework he gave me. It wasn’t any easier than I thought it would be when he first gave it to me two weeks ago. Nonetheless, he seemed satisfied with it. I guess that’s good too.

I’m just taking things day by day now. I still can’t see my future, or really my motivation. It takes time, and I refuse to be rushed by people who don’t know what this is like.

Anger Phase of Grief

14 Jul

I am pissed. I am angry at my Goddess. I am angry at myself. I blame myself. I know the psychology of grief. And yes, I am in the anger phase.

But it’s more than that, and I have a confession. Continue reading

People worry about me?

2 Jul

People worry about me. That is such a foreign concept to me. Continue reading

Toxoplasmosis affects human behavior? Maybe.

3 Jun

Toxoplasmosis and psychology: A game of cat and mouse

One reason to suspect this is that a country’s level of Toxoplasma infection seems to be related to the level of neuroticism displayed by its population. Another is that those infected seem to have poor reaction times and are more likely to be involved in road accidents. A third is that they have short attention spans and little interest in seeking out novelty. A fourth, possibly the most worrying, is that those who suffer from schizophrenia are more likely than those who do not to have been exposed to Toxoplasma.

Apparently, the protozoa known as Toxoplasma gondii carries genes for the production of dopamine, which serves no purpose to single celled organisms. It does have significant effects in higher organisms, such as humans, and cats.

Cats transmit toxoplasmosis to rats and mice. It seems that this disease then causes rodents to behave in self-destructive ways, which includes being attracted to the scent of cats. Toxoplasmosis needs infected rodents to be consumed by cats so that it can continue its life cycle. Now the fact that this disease affects rodents in a way that promotes its own life-cycle is nothing short of amazing to me. Continue reading