November 20th is a solemn day for the transgender community. On this day, we remember those in our community lost to violence. The Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) was founded in 1999. It was a memorial to the murders of two Black trans women, Rita Hester and Chanelle Picket. Today is the 25th annual observation of TDOR.
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Supporting Friends in Crisis: A Personal Journey
24 SepA very dear friend emailed me, just before my therapy session today, that his wife had a cardiac arrest and is in ICU in Houston.
Continue reading14 Years and It Still Hurts
8 JunOn this day, fourteen years ago, my wife Barbara passed beyond the veil. I’ve written before about the details of that event, and how traumatic it was for me. Today, I just want to refer my followers to another blog that I have, where I talk about her, her wisdom, and a bit about our life together. You can find it at Barbara’s Words of Wisdom. Blessed be.
20th Wedding Anniversary
8 NovMy 20th wedding anniversary is today. It is not a joyous occasion, as she passed away in June of 2010. I will always grieve, particularly on days such as today.
Continue readingMy tragic love life
26 SepI have been very unlucky in love for most of my life. This is going to get heavy, quickly. You have been warned.
Continue readingMore on my father’s passing
15 MarJust need to get something off my chest.
As you likely know, my father passed away in January 2021. We hadn’t spoken in a dozen or so years. He didn’t approve of my life choices. It was difficult nonetheless that we weren’t able to reconcile, but I got past that. Or so I thought anyway.
Tonight, my female cousin on his side reached out to me, at the request of his widow, my stepmother. My cousin asked for permission to provide my contact info. It seems that his will is being probated and they needed my contact info for that process. I told my cousin she could provide my info to stepmom.
Mind you, unless I am sorely mistaken, there isn’t much to probate, and nothing I’d particularly want from him, or her. Anyway, I’m not exactly looking forward to hearing from the stepmother. It’s just brought up unresolved pain. For example, she deadnamed me in his obituary.
And now, that’s off my chest. At least, I hope so.
My Father Has Passed
18 JanMy father died on the 3rd of January, 2021. Before you offer me condolences, know that he and I had not spoken for over twelve years. He chose to exclude me from his life, for reasons that I can only guess at. I had been holding out hope for a reconciliation. That time has now passed. I’ve written before about some of the reasons I didn’t pursue reconnecting before. I won’t rehash that now. I learned of his passing from my cousin, his niece. She’s one of the few members of my blood family who still keep in touch with me.
Continue readingHow I lost my faith
12 DecToday is my late wife Barbara’s birthday. She would have been 59. Of course, she didn’t make it to that landmark. She died a little over ten years ago. I was there in the hospital when her heart failed. At 5:30 am, after about 30 minutes of CPR and other resuscitation efforts, the doctor asked my permission to stop those efforts. As I’ve shared before, I told him to “call it.” Continue reading
Seven Years
9 JunYesterday was the seventh anniversary of Barbara’s passing. I noted the date with no fanfare, no tears, no breakdown. As I write this, I’m coming to realize that maybe, just maybe, I am recovering. I am far from fully recovered, of course. I truly believe that one never fully recovers from the unexpected loss of a loved one, particularly one you considered to be your “soul-mate”.
It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. – Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/140515-it-has-been-said-time-heals-all-wounds-i-do
Truer words were never spoken. Today, the scar tissue is stronger than the wound. It could still tear wide open tomorrow, or the next day. There will always be a risk of that wound being torn asunder.
The Grieving Room: I Guess I Made It
6 JunCrossposted from The Grieving Room at Daily Kos by wyldraven
On the eighth of June, I will mark the one year anniversary of Barbara’s death. I still don’t know exactly how I will do so. Anecdotal evidence indicates that most spouses who survive the first year as a widow/widower will continue to live a normal life span. Point in fact, death from broken heart syndrome is rare.
A special welcome to anyone who is new to The Grieving Room. We meet every Monday evening. Whether your loss is recent or many years ago, whether you have lost a person or a pet, or even if the person you are “mourning” is still alive (“pre-grief” can be a very lonely and confusing time) you can come to this diary and process your grieving in whatever way works for you. Share whatever you need to share. We can’t solve each other’s problems, but we can be a sounding board and a place of connection.
An Aging Trans Woman 