Checking In

An online friend (no link, she’s not out to everyone) wrote recently about her journey into womanhood, and the progress she was making. Her post prompted me to reply with my own update. Her post is friends only, so I thought I should share those thoughts here as well, for those (if any) who are following my journey.

A whole lot of parallels in my life. As you know, I lost my wife in June, and I really shut down for several months. But I am back, and trying to live again.

I don’t present female full-time either, for a very similar reason, plus one. I still am employed, and the employer is a full on bigot who would fire me on the spot if he found out that I was trans.

I do wear bras most of the time. When presenting male, I wear very loose T-shirts when wearing a bra. My favorites are a couple of 38B push-up, and I mostly fill them out. Are you taking any hormones? I may have mentioned before, I take Nature’s Bounty Breast Solutions, 6 capsules per day. 3 in the AM, 3 in the PM. It’s working for me.

I have a few complete outfits, depending on how you count the various mix and match separates. That’s the trick really. Two or three tops, a dress, a skirt (mine is denim), two pairs of shoes. I carry a “purse” everywhere too. It’s a somewhat unisex bag, but it lets me carry the necessary items.

I’m shaving everything too (or at least what I can reach), but not every shower. I shave [body hair] about two or three times a week. And I am trying to convince myself to start again with the Remington epilator. If you can do it, this is a great way to cut the amount of shaving that is necessary. I did it for about six months, and cut the amount of body hair in the areas I was working on by about two-thirds.

I’ve found that a good pair of heels really helps with the hip wiggle. I don’t know if it’s the body mechanics, or simply the reminder that I am female, but the wiggle comes rather naturally for me when I am in heels.

Barbara always discouraged plucking the eyebrows. She encouraged trimming with scissors instead. Take an eyebrow brush, brush them straight up, and clip anything that is above your desired line. Plucking can result in them never growing back, and that’s exactly what happened to her.

Oh, and using someone else’s pedicure set? Please tell me you are sterilizing the set first. Like as in 10 minutes in boiling water. You don’t need MRSA on top of everything else complicating your life, sister.

I’m not into the whole Islāmic clothing thing. I like my low-cut tops and short skirts too much for that. But if it makes you happy, I’m not going to judge.

And as for exercise? I wish I could. I tore up one ankle a few months back, and can barely walk now. I use a cane most days. And my fibro is back full on and then some, since I went cold turkey from Cymbalta. So any vigorous exercise is not really gonna work for me.

That said, it’s amazing how effective grief is as a weight loss program. I’ve gone from 260 just before her death, to hovering between 199 and 204 now. I really don’t have much appetite, and I really don’t care for carbs. I’ve used a modified Atkins diet before, for my diabetes. It really worked well for me. I am a serious carnivore anyway, when I eat. And my cholesterol and HbA1c levels are “very good”.

I guess I’ve hijacked your journal long enough. Love to you, dear. I hope we meet IRL before my time here is done.

Tags: being a woman, grief, weight loss